If Only

If  Only

If only the pain in my shoulder

Would go away

I could meditate properly

If only they would shut  that window

I wouldn’t hear the trucks roaring to take

someone their beer

then I could maintain my focus

If only I had chosen the other cushion

Then I could sit properly

And meditate the right way

If only that person would stop sniffling

and that other person would stop fidgeting

Then I could meditate the right way

If only I wore a different shirt today

Then I would be a good meditator

This one doesn’t fit right

and the stripes are going the wrong way

If only I was three inches taller

I could meditate the right way

If only…oh there’s those thoughts again

Breathing out, letting go, breathing in

If only…

I wish they’d ring that damn bell.

Jen-Grace’s Garden’s Publications

-I wrote this after a particularly difficult meditation session….I struggled with myself over and over. Fortunately I have had the opportunity to do some lengthy retreats and I have learned over and over that there is really nothing to struggle against except myself. there is no reason to hold on and hold back..when i can let go life becomes  easier even when i can let go into pain…it is still difficult but I don’t have the added suffering of fighting myself, judging myself for what I feel or think. It is a lesson I continue to learn and relearn..such is the human experience…enlightenment happens moment to moment.

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2 Comments

  1. Ah, I really can relate to your poem. I have had a few meditation sessions lately that go a lot like this. What you say about there being nothing to struggle against except yourself is just right. Thank you for posting!

    Reply

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