What if we allowed ourselves something greater?

I heard this line in a show I was streaming on Netflix, In Plain Sight.  One character tells the other to allow herself something greater.  These words have been echoing in my mind and heart since I heard them.  In another blog entry I wrote about allowing myself what my heart wants, what it needs and desires….how most of my life has been about living small or living invisible, diminishing myself from fear of further hurt.  I know how to be there for friends and family…I know how to sacrifice my own needs for the needs of others. What I am learning is that I am worthy and deserving of the same attention and care I give to others. I do not need to forfeit my self, my needs, my desires and dreams to show I care and love others.  This is quite a revelation for me. I was brought up, conditioned to ignore, stifle, dismiss, my own needs and wants. At times throughout my life I’ve been able to listen to my own heart and follow it’s guidance, but it usually involved anger pushing me forward and resentment towards anyone that told me I shouldn’t.  I am learning that I can allow myself to be me with compassion and kindness and I don’t need to defend this allowing. I feel as though I’ve been living in a box whose walls were created by the thoughts, ideas, beliefs and actions of those around me.  Lately I feel as though those walls are disintegrating as I listen to my own heart and my steps are guided by it’s longing to be heard.  These walls are created by the practical limitations of being human, but mainly they are created by the words of others telling me who I should be…political, religious, familial, societal…traumas of the past telling me it’s not safe in this world.  The walls of the box feel as though they are breaking down and I am getting glimpses of light..glimpses of the real me beyond the trauma of my past, beyond my familial role, beyond society’s designation of what a woman is supposed to be, supposed to do. I’m listening more closely to my heart, my guiding voice that knows the truth of me…knows, feels the ways i’ve diminished myself…my wisdom, my intellect, my femininity…

So can we allow ourselves something greater? Can I allow myself something greater? YES I can!-

Jen-Grace’s Gardens Publications

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3 Comments

  1. This is really beautiful. I can relate, and I too allow myself something greater x

    Reply
  2. I can relate cent percent with this:
    “most of my life has been about living small or living invisible.I know how to be there for friends and family…I know how to sacrifice my own needs for the needs of others.”
    But, believe me, all those people in my life for whom i’ve sacrificed have never led me down, they make my sacrifice worthwhile, and so i am happy.I never regretted sacrifices.It’s great to live invisible, but at times we do deeply desire all that’s lost, until we have people around us who are larger than our desires.
    I fear the regret of not having sacrificed something for someone later in life.Therefore i’m selfish.Maybe my sacrifices are also for my personal needs.

    Reply
  3. Very nice. It’s freeing when we have the revelation that we are the only ones holding us back. And, so too, that we have the power to change.

    Reply

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