The year of allowing…

I titled this post the year of allowing, but this actually began years ago…small allowances to myself, peering under the darkness encasing my heart…listening to the dreams and desires of my heart…I feel as though I really began to listen and follow my heart’s longings when last summer I allowed myself to adopt a rescue pup from Arkansas. Having a dog of my own is something I had wanted since I was a kid(it has been one of my heart’s deepest desires). we always had animals when I was growing up and usually we had a couple dogs..I found comfort,peace and safety in the presence of these dogs. My rescue pup Grace has saved me…she is a walking bundle of love and adventure. She has awakened my armored heart…I can’t have a bad morning when I wake up to a happy tail waggin pup that is happy to see me and start the day.  I have said yes to life, yes to love by bringing this beautiful pup into my life. I feel alive and take joy in the pleasures of watching her explore her new world. I love to take her to the beach and let her run.  Allowing myself the simple pleasures and joys of this life…allowing my heart to feel what it needs to feel…I have often been confused by the word love..I still am…I can use it to talk of my puppy and my nephews and I know it’s truth…I have learned how to love my family and I know the truth of loving wonderful friends…This year I am allowing myself to find my voice and speak my truth, I am allowing more of my heart to lead me….this blog is a creation of my heart and I am allowing myself this creative outlet….it has taken years to get to this point to move beyond shame and beliefs of unworthiness…to honor my self…to take my place in the world and to believe my voice is valid and that what I have to say is worthy. I am allowing my passion for plants and gardening to push me further into creating a steady livelihood. I have wanted to go back to school for over 10 years now and I have allowed myself to contact schools and get information on graduate programs..it is sometimes small steps for me…small allowances…allowing myself to open to life to the energy within me that is part of this life… this wild and beautiful world. I am allowing myself to let go of past traumas knowing that they will always be part of my history but they are not me, they do not define me.  I am allowing myself to awaken and connect to this life..it is scary and I feel unprepared and sometimes baffled by what we call civilized society…I am allowing my heart to open and allowing the goodness within to surface, allowing myself to trust ME.- Jen

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